Ever since I can remember, I’ve had anxiety. I can recall a particular incident at the age of fourteen.
I thought I had missed a musical performance.
Hives spread across my shoulders and I couldn’t seem to stop trembling and weeping. It felt like an invisible beast had plunged its claws into my chest and was attempting to pull out my heart. My sister felt so concerned for me that she ran upstairs to get my dad. After almost an hour of calm reassurances from my father, I was able to move past it.
As an adult, I still struggle-quite often-to manage my anxiety. Today was one of those days. I found myself have a minor anxiety attack at work, one which spiraled out of control as I left the parking lot. A phrase that keeps being suggested to me is to find coping mechanisms to deal my anxiety.
Easier said than done. But…I think I’m getting there.
Today, instead of laying in bed and spiraling further and letting the monster clutch further upon my heart, I grabbed my camera. I took some pictures of my beautiful dog. She isn’t always the most willing model, but I got some good shots. When I threw my camera strap around my neck, I felt indescribably better. Like a kind of magic was infused with my camera. Even editing the few pictures I took today filled me with calm. I’m hoping as I grow as a photographer, I can continue to find my calm behind the lens.