Blog

The Baby Cometh: A Photographer & Mom-To-Be Worries

Summer has come and gone and school is in full swing. Spending a Nebraska summer six months pregnant took more out of me than I thought humanly possible. Cooking a human when you’re cooking in the heat is exhausting. Breathing made me sweat. Talking made me sweat. Existing made me sweat. It was awful.

Now that Fall is around the corner, my heart is opening once again. Like many basic white women, Fall is my absolute favorite season. It’s when I feel most alive and contented. Halloween, hot chocolate, scarves, snuggles by the fire with a good book. This year Jon and I get to add the arrival of our daughter to the list of things to look forward to. This time of year has also reignited my passion for photography. The yearning to photograph everyone and everything. The need for subjects and knowledge.

I have taken a few family portraits for friends and am still tinkering away at Lightroom to try and build my knowledge of editing, but I worry. I worry that when Baby Girl arrives I won’t have time for my passions, for myself, anymore. I see so many articles about making time for yourself, making sure you leave baby every now again to recenter and focus on yourself and your needs. This sounds easy in practice…

But I worry.

I worry about the guilt setting in once I step out the door. I worry about the anxiety of not being able to see my baby and know that she’s okay. I worry about being able to trust others to take care of her. I worry about losing myself, in every aspect of the word. I worry about the shame others may thrust upon me if I post about something other than my daughter. While I wish I had thick skin, I am an incredibly sensitive person and have already felt the sting of Mom-shaming. I had an acquaintance ask if I was returning to work after Baby Girl was born, and upon hearing my affirmative response replied, “Oh how heartbreaking for your little girl!”

I worry.

But I hope. I hope that the family Jon and I have built, with those blood-related and not, will support us. I hope that we will be encouraged, and encourage ourselves to not let go of our individuals passions.  I hope that I can learn to let go of anxiety, to trust others because I know they’ll love and care for my Baby Girl. I hope that I can find the balance of being myself. A Wife, Photographer, Dog-mom, Bookworm, Geek, Sister, Daughter, Friend, & Mom.

 

 

Side-Hustle Saturday Pt. 2-Let’s Get Uncomfortable

Late Winter/early Spring is always a stressful time for me. Report cards, Parent-Teacher conferences, other misc. work stuff, it all just gets to be so overwhelming this time of year. With that being said, I’ve slacked a bit on Side-Hustle Saturday. February’s just didn’t happen. Ugh.

To propel myself into March’s Side-Hustle Saturday, I not only stepped out of my comfort zone, I strapped on a jetpack and launched myself out of it. I was a Wedding photographer.

The idea of photographing weddings has always intrigued and terrified me. I love looking at photos of people’s special days. There are so many incredible wedding photographers out there and their work is inspiring. Jon and I also had the privilege and joy of having an absolutely amazing wedding photographer when we got married, so I love the idea of getting to work with people in such an intimate and personal way. On the other hand, only having one, one opportunity to capture some of those once-in-a-lifetime moments is absolutely anxiety-inducing to me.

When I was approached by a family friend to shoot her wedding, a gauntlet of emotions flooded through me. After meeting with her and discussing what she wanted for the day, I decided to dive in. She was very relaxed, laid back, and was totally fine with my amateur/novice status.

The day has come and gone and it was a whirlwind. It was a small, beautiful, and incredibly intimate ceremony and reception. Close family and friends made up the guest list and the bride’s son and daughter stood with her as she married the man of her dreams. It felt so special to get to capture some of those moments. While I don’t know if wedding photography will ever be my main focus as a photographer, there is something indescribable about getting to capture those once-in-a-lifetime moments for someone. untitled-0443untitled-0704untitled-1011

 

 

My First Side-Hustle Saturday

At the start of the new year, my husband and I set out to be more intentional about the way we spent our time. We both talked about how we want to focus more on what we want and what brings us happiness, and to try less to please other people at the cost of that happiness. Thus, Side-Hustle Saturday was born.

Jon and I both have ambitions and passions outside of our usual 9 to 5s. His deals more with theatre/arts, and my passion, obviously, lies in photography. One Saturday a month, we will spend most of the that day accomplishing side-hustle goals. Meeting with clients, making business plans, investing in equipment, researching articles and books, you name it, it’s gonna happen.

This past Saturday was my first Side-Hustle Saturday and man, did it light my heart on fire. I met with a potential client that morning and set up a meeting with another. I then made some business to-dos and set up a five-year plan. To top the day off, I met with another aspiring photographer, a dear friend of mine named Erin, and we spent the afternoon working on manual camera settings and just capturing some stellar images. Since I am still so new to photography, I’ve felt hesitant to collaborate with anyone, but I another goal of mine is to not let those fears hold me back. It was so incredible just to talk to someone else, frankly and candidly, about photography. We compared settings, talked about editing, and just starting taking some pictures. We were fortunate enough to have another incredible friend, Mary Kate, model for us. I love photo sessions that are full of laughter and just totally laid back. untitled-8531untitled-8533untitled-8545untitled-8546untitled-8563

It was a phenomenal day and I learned so much. In just one day, I felt closer to my goals and dreams. The sense of joy and accomplishment that brings me I can’t quite articulate. I can’t wait to see what the next Side-Hustle Saturday brings.

Love Thyself

I’ve been cooped up in the house for the day since the promised snow storm finally hit Omaha. School was cancelled, so I’ve had the day at home to fiddle around with my camera. I decided to take some self-portraits, and found it quite challenging for several reasons. I’m still working on the technical aspects of my camera, so trying to get the timer set and the lens focused was exceptionally difficult. I’m hoping to dig up some articles so I can better navigate that piece. I’ve also struggle with body-image issues most of my life, so repeatedly taking photos of myself isn’t something I’m usually excited about. After lots of attempts and fiddling and uttering of swear words, I managed to get a few good shots.

It was nice to edit some photos of just me for once. I was almost forced to compliment myself both on the image and how I looked. Sometimes it’s nice to just give yourself some praise and love.

Finding Calm Behind the Lens

Ever since I can remember, I’ve had anxiety.  I can recall a particular incident at the age of fourteen.

I thought I had missed a musical performance.

Hives spread across my shoulders and I couldn’t seem to stop trembling and weeping. It felt like an invisible beast had plunged its claws into my chest and was attempting to pull out my heart. My sister felt so concerned for me that she ran upstairs to get my dad. After almost an hour of calm reassurances from my father, I was able to move past it.

As an adult, I still struggle-quite often-to manage my anxiety. Today was one of those days. I found myself have a minor anxiety attack at work, one which spiraled out of control as I left the parking lot. A phrase that keeps being suggested to me is to find coping mechanisms to deal my anxiety.

Easier said than done. But…I think I’m getting there.

Today, instead of laying in bed and spiraling further and letting the monster clutch further upon my heart, I grabbed my camera. I took some pictures of my beautiful dog. She isn’t always the most willing model, but I got some good shots. When I threw my camera strap around my neck, I felt indescribably better. Like a kind of magic was infused with my camera. Even editing the few pictures I took today filled me with calm. I’m hoping as I grow as a photographer, I can continue to find my calm behind the lens. untitled-6466untitled-6471untitled-6474

Throwback Post: Sarah+Steve

One of my first photography sessions was very close to my heart. My younger sister, Sarah, and her-now husand-Steve, needed engagement photos taken. Sarah and Steve didn’t have many photos together and have never been interested in taking any. Given that they needed some for newspaper announcements and save-the-dates, they asked me to grab my camera and give it a go. We had fifteen minutes until we completely lost the sun, it was freezing cold, and her two dogs were NOT interested in being photographed. Nothing like a trial by fire!

We pulled into a little park and snapped some quick shots. It was awkward, rushed, and so much fun. Steve was a total hoot and watching him interact with Sarah melted my heart. They are such a well-matched pair. It was comforting to think, as I stood there snapping away, that this man was going to marry my sister. Their wedding day has come and gone, but I still love looking back at this amazing session.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑